Destruction is so much faster than Creation

Commemorating today the devastation of 9/11/2001, we look at the meaningless destruction with sadness, horror, and grief.  But in reality, no destruction is meaningless.  It is the primary goal of our Enemy.

Be sober and self-controlled. Be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1Peter 5:8 World English Bible

I avidly destroyed a summer’s worth of weeds in 2 hours.  I delighted in removing the unwanted growth.  But in my life!!!, no I did NOT delight in the removal of the cancer of sin.  I fought it, prayed about it, cried about it.  I was deluded in the belief that if I had enough money, I would be content in my life.  God knew better.  I am listening to a novel, “The Broken Road” by Richard Paul Evans.  Even as I write these words, I listen to the truth that God has been revealing to me “in standard fashion” by repeating it over and over.  

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In reading, “If You Only Knew…” by Jaimie Ivey, I began to see my self, like the song Killing Me Softly With His Song by Fugees.

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly with his song

The past never leaves us, it IS us.  My repeated mistakes, and desperate search for acceptance and love was a never-ending record; until, I met the MASTER.  Broken and ready to end my life, I was finally able to LET GO.  Not of everything, unfortunately, but willing to loosen my grip enough to open the door that He had been patiently waiting to enter through.  

I am not defined by my past!!! It exists, it has formed my perceptions; but God, has REDEEMED me.
He agreed on the price and the terms of payment then demurely surrendered to the Enemy in my place.
Secrets are the Bonds that Tie, Enslave, Dominate.  Jesus is the Light that shines in the Darkness and once He is allowed, by our choice, to illuminate our souls all the dark, lurking secrets cannot persecute us any longer.
Years of wallowing in self-pity, listening to songs that fed my misery, and hanging on to the hurts, habits, and hangups that I refused to release have ENDED.  I choose JOY!!!
take a  look at:  Joy    https://youtu.be/lA7n7TwPDmw   By King & Country    1434536915236
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Stop denying the pain!!! Stop eating the fruit!!

Genesis 3

The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. 

OH we are so SMART!  We learn ? from ancient texts (not cell phone) of the mistakes of those before us, but DO WE?

Are we relying on the grace and providence of a mighty God or do we scrabble around searching for answers to create our OWN version of paradise?  Escape is one response to pain.  We create our own delusion of reality and fail to comprehend why no one else seems to understand it.  Resentment is another response, starting with emotional upset then anger, if allowed to smolder, brew, and fester will become a cancer that consumes.never give up

But we have a choice, we just like Eve are faced with trying to make ourselves equal with God or humbly accepting what is offered without penalty.

Proverbs 12:18

Reckless words pierce like a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Sure WE stumble, fall, FACEPLANT!  But we STILL have a choice, follow God or try to lead the way!

Today, I am faced with waiting humbly on my Heavenly Father, Provider, Creator, Master of the Universe, who owns EVERYTHING or (because of my great wisdom, NO) finding a solution to my problems.  If I were able, I would have already FIXED EVERYTHING!!!

I WILL WAIT!

OR https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHDP-59rzGY

Storms in Life

Don’t you just LOVE IT when someone speaks something that triggers you???  Well sometimes!
Well in getting to know my blogging neighborhood, I have decided to air my “sense of humor”.  I can be dry and sometimes cutting (EEEk) so I often keep my thoughts to myself for fear of injuring another.
Long ago, not really, quite recently in the face of eternity really, I discovered a discipleship group in my local area.  It is a year long commitment to healing, growing, and coming to really know my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I received SO MUCH.  Their literature is designed to help you realize your true giftings and purpose.  Books authored by Linda Dillow such as Satisfy My Thirsty Soul and Calm My Anxious Heart deeply explore the meaning of worship and relationship with the Creator.
Hector (/ˈhɛktər/) is an English, French, Scottish, and Spanish given name. The name is derived from the name of Hektor, a legendary Trojan champion who was killed by the Greek Achilles. The name Hektor is probably derived from the Greek ekhein, meaning “to check”, “restrain”.
הקטור  ..........Hector written in Hebrew......
Our name is our identity.  It evokes patterns and establishes boundaries.  People who have forgotten their name feel a sense of loss. Being torn from families and having names changed or eradicated causes great distress to the human psyche.
Our labels also attach to us and can cause severe damage if not handled in a healthy manner.

In Recovery as we share, we heal

I am but “fingers on the keyboard” and have been very silent lately.  I read so many wonderful blogs and shared ideas of others writing here, that I began to feel inferior; that I was being redundant.. as if the things I have learned were already being said.

Recently, I became enlightened to the fact that that is how we learn, by repetition.  I may reiterate the same concept but it may reach other people.  I am not just mimicking the other fabulous writers who are putting their souls out on display.  purposefully blessedI share this thought that inspired me while reading.  It was submitted by a “blogger friend” who felt it was as valuable as I do.  This simple message has steered me toward the purpose for which I was gifted.

Don’t waste your talents!!!  Use them to Glorify the one who granted them!!!

ABOVE ALL use the precious time granted you in this journey to love, laugh, and share!

 

 

Purpose in Life

I have been waiting on God. He asked me to do so.  I’m learning patience and humility.  Which being said, means that my EGO gets in the way too much.  I was made for a purpose.

pur·pose   ˈpərpəs/   noun
  1. the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.
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Puzzle of Life

I love the fact that before I was born God was “singing over me”.   That He designed me just the way I am to fulfill a greater role in life than I could ever envision.

Psalm 139   13You alone created my inner being. You knitted me together inside my mother.  14I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.

My earliest memories include the dissatisfaction of my design.  I was too little, too active, too moody, too bad to be loved.  In short, all I looked at were things that I perceived as my shortcomings.  I didn’t pursue the valuable talents and gifts that I was granted.  I tried to be something that I WAS NOT.  When my focus is on ME, I am unable to view the BIG PICTURE.  This led to depression, anxiety, self pity, anger and other negative emotions, which overwhelmed me so much that I chose to hide them, squelch them, pretend they did not exist.  That path leads to misery and the inability to attach to anyone for fear of rejection, pain, hurt. Gently and graciously, God led me to look at HIS PLAN, to trust that He knows what’s ahead and will prepare me for the process.

Yes, I sometimes look at the circumstances and get fearful, but He patiently reminds me that I can count on His Promises.

His creation reminds me daily of His Presence.  I am blessed to BE A BLESSING.  Daily encounters with other broken people, such as myself, looking for recovery is another reminder of His Love.  Learning to love myself, as God loves me, allows me to pass along that generous blessing to those around me.  Even if they seem unwilling, undeserving, unlovely, I, too was all this and more. Controlling, angry, self-willed is a short list of my defects.  Yet, God has used me.  He uses my trials, He uses my victories for they are His victories and if my ego does not usurp the glory, then He is glorified in all that happens during my daily journey.

I choose to offer myself in total surrender for the prize awaiting me.  Just a8Oct-28MA14251843-0003

glimpse of the love that is completely unconditional, wets my appetite for more.

Courage to Stand

Brea
Stand

I recently opened myself up to the reveal the scars of my life for the scrutiny of those interested enough to read this blog.  I have been encouraged and nourished spiritually by the blogs that I have discovered during the past years and include many of them in my daily devotional reading.

I am “a disciple” of The Way!  Many people discipline themselves in exercise, diet, reading and other tasks.  Perhaps, they are not even aware of their “discipline” because it is merely developing habits to achieve our goals.  My pastor recently stated that the word discipline triggers negative connotations.

con·no·ta·tion

ˌkänəˈtāSH(ə)n/
noun
plural noun: connotations
  1. an idea or feeling that a word invokes in addition to its literal or primary meaning.
    “the word “discipline” has unhappy connotations of punishment and repression”
    synonyms: overtoneundertoneundercurrentimplication, hidden meaning, nuancehintecho,

    vibrations, associationintimation,

    suggestionsuspicioninsinuation

    “there was a connotation of distrust in his voice”
    • PHILOSOPHY
      the abstract meaning or intention of a term, which forms a principle determining which objects or concepts it applies to. freedom from bondage

This morning, I opened one of my favorite blogger sites:    https://josephsdailywalkwithjesus.wordpress.com/author/ropheka/

who shared:

“At the same time we see it becoming more and more severe how these same creatures viciously mock true Christians. We see how they vilify us with every opportunity.

Instead of feeling pressured or picked on consider it pure joy when anyone mocks you for being a Christian. That is a badge of honour. It also means time is running short and soon we will be with our Beloved in Heaven.”

Then I opened a blog site that has provided insight, encouragement and tenacity for me to be HONEST about myself.    A wonderful aspiring actress, author, and human being  found also at  http://instagram.com/beauty.beyond.bones

Reading “Well here’s the thing…much like Wikipedia, random people can add to/edit your page.Yep…thaaaaat’s right. Random people can go on there and submit trivia facts, biographical information, photos, and in my desperately unfortunate situation…quotes.

And you guys. The quotes that whoever this troll pulled from my blog, taken out of context, make me look like the absolute spawn of Satan.”  

I was impressed immediately by,   YES,    backing out and stepping UP!!!   God has led me through 3 yrs of growing FAITH in HIS Promises and I choose to STAND!!

I am NOT a movie buff but did enjoy the Harry Potter Series by JK Rowling, who quotes ” It is our choices…that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” and also authors, Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them.  While at the theater, a trailer for a new release for November was aired with the statement:

“Who will stand against the darkness?”

shining light

I will answer the CALL.  I find HOPE in the Word!!

Reckless Love

https://youtu.be/Sc6SSHuZvQE    Reckless Love by  Cory Asbury
And oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
And I couldn’t earn it, and I don’t deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah
There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
Lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me
Songs, in general, move my spirit (both up and down).  During a season of despair and resentment, I spent a lot of time with Pink.  Let me confess that life left me emotionally depraved.
The clinical description is as follows:
Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) is a complex, severe, and relatively uncommon condition in which infants and young children do not establish lasting, healthy bonds with parents or caregivers. … In many cases a child with RAD has been the victim of abuse, neglect, or abandonment or is orphaned.
My first memory of the abuse began at 2yrs.  This is not an excuse for me to wallow in self-pity, not that I haven’t spent time doing that very thing.
This IS THE TESTIMONY  that the above song describes my Lord’s ability and desire to rescue each and every soul that will open the door to Him.
Your Kingdom Come, Might One!!Janice 13.5 months .1