I have been waiting on God. He asked me to do so. I’m learning patience and humility. Which being said, means that my EGO gets in the way too much. I was made for a purpose.
the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.
I love the fact that before I was born God was “singing over me”. That He designed me just the way I am to fulfill a greater role in life than I could ever envision.
Psalm 139 13You alone created my inner being. You knitted me together inside my mother. 14I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.
My earliest memories include the dissatisfaction of my design. I was too little, too active, too moody, too bad to be loved. In short, all I looked at were things that I perceived as my shortcomings. I didn’t pursue the valuable talents and gifts that I was granted. I tried to be something that I WAS NOT. When my focus is on ME, I am unable to view the BIG PICTURE. This led to depression, anxiety, self pity, anger and other negative emotions, which overwhelmed me so much that I chose to hide them, squelch them, pretend they did not exist. That path leads to misery and the inability to attach to anyone for fear of rejection, pain, hurt. Gently and graciously, God led me to look at HIS PLAN, to trust that He knows what’s ahead and will prepare me for the process.
Yes, I sometimes look at the circumstances and get fearful, but He patiently reminds me that I can count on His Promises.
His creation reminds me daily of His Presence. I am blessed to BE A BLESSING. Daily encounters with other broken people, such as myself, looking for recovery is another reminder of His Love. Learning to love myself, as God loves me, allows me to pass along that generous blessing to those around me. Even if they seem unwilling, undeserving, unlovely, I, too was all this and more. Controlling, angry, self-willed is a short list of my defects. Yet, God has used me. He uses my trials, He uses my victories for they are His victories and if my ego does not usurp the glory, then He is glorified in all that happens during my daily journey.
I choose to offer myself in total surrender for the prize awaiting me. Just a
glimpse of the love that is completely unconditional, wets my appetite for more.