I am traveling from one family home to another today with parent in tow. We have the fairy tale mentality that as we age we will become more sedate. God helps me understand that the feeling of peace and tranquility is on the inside or possibly in another realm not the outside. My children are making choices that create chaos, their children are making choices and then life’s events like my mom’s death in November create even more change and choices; yet, life moves on it is not sedate.
I turn to God in prayer, meditation, and reading for guidance and find that I need to learn tolerance and acceptance. As a teenager I was headstrong and plowed through circumstances simply ignoring the consequences. Oh, I believed that I thought it through but in the microscope examination of retrospect…NO. It reminds me of my teenage son describing a zombie movie where one of the characters he liked was going to walk through a door and her life would be forever changed. He said he kept repeating no, no, no but one the movie went and the consequences followed. I feel this way with my children’s choices and my grandchildren but like my son I am a spectator and cannot change the outcome.
I still don’t have a crystal ball but I am learning that blind trust in my Creator is so much more peaceful than being a character in the drama. It allows me the distance to review and offers me the opportunity to make choices that don’t have as many negative results. Of course, this is by no means a natural occurrence so I struggle daily to not try to “fix” things and allow them to happen with acceptance.